Life’s a bitch…. FML. Hahaha…
I’m going to do something with this blog post that i haven’t seriously done with blogs since about high school – Use this space for some therapy. I need to get the some of this off my chest, and where better then here, where one or two people might read it. So, for those of you still reading, i have given you sufficient warning.
I don’t even know where to start really, but maybe explain the title a little bit. I have titled this post “Karma” because i feel something i’ve done in the recent past to someone else has come back and now i am the one on the receiving end. Although the situational details of the main even i will describe are strikingly different, they both ended the same: After a couple of seemingly good dates, all communications between the two parties involved were stopped by one person, leaving the other disappointed, angry and confused as to why this happened. Suffice to say, i went on two good dates with a guy, had a sufficiently awesome time both times, but now i haven’t heard from him at all since the last date which was about a week and half ago, and i have sent him two casual “hey, what’s up?” messages and heard nothing back in return.

Now i could speculate on many reasons as to why this happened. His phone broke and he hasn’t received my texts. It’s happened to me before, so it might just be a misunderstanding. But he has a freakin iPhone. Seriously how do you break that? I don’t know anyone who’s had a problem with theirs… plus, there’s always Facebook to get in contact with someone. No need to blame it on your phone. If you wanted to get a hold of someone, you would find a way. Gay. This fact makes me feel like crap, but i must stop being naive, and learn a hard lesson. I’ve never had someone not call me… this is tough. I want to try calling him or something, but i know i shouldn’t and i should just forget about it, but then again, midterms did run over the course of last week…. hahaha!
It’s stupid because he said “this was fun, we should do it again.” and i should have said: “yeah, i’ll call you.” Fuck!
And now for the serious speculation.
Things got physical during our date… we didn’t “do it” per se, but i am responsible for some serious blue ballin’ if you know what i’m saying. I haven’t “done it” in a while. And when i say, a while, i mean like it’s been like a year since i’ve done anything remotely sexual. Yeah. Suffice to say, i was nervous and a lot hesitant in doing anything at all. Making a “game” of it like he did IN MY CAR did not help the situation either, not that i told him it has been this long. The rule was not to stop or “get off”, best of 7. Obviously i lost, not because of the latter, but the former rule. i knew this would be the result, and i told him i would lose, and when i did, he actually said i lost… haha! I objected…I even gave him a chance to take it back, and when he didn’t i was like… well i guess we’re done then. I wanted to punish him… but now is this the reason why i haven’t heard back from him?
So yeah, after going home jacked, i realized how long it’s been since i’ve wanted to have sex. And now i regret the whole situation terribly. But at the same time, i don’t think it should’ve been made into a game… i think it would have been better if it “just happened.”

What i have learned: Silencing communication and the subsequent “rejection” feeling totally sucks. I actually ended up emailing guy who i cut communications with, as he sent me an email at the beginning of the month asking what happened. Although it was a late response, i felt compelled to answer, because i realized that no one deserves to feel this way, no matter the circumstance and have no closure. I gave this guy closure, albeit late, but at least he has it now.
I have also learned that i really miss having sex. It’s been fun feeling all jacked up for a week and half, but also very frustrating that i haven’t been able to release this energy on someone else. This realization could be dangerous. Maybe i should go buy some condoms for just in case…. Hahahaha! Yeah right, been there, done that. I have resolved earlier that a one night stand will never happen again. Well, is it really a one night stand if you had a couple one night stands with the same person? I digress.
FML!